Hey, many thanks for detouring to this page. We know a lot of people avoid a Website's disclaimer like the plague, so we asked the University's lawyers to write something that people might actually enjoy reading. So do us and you a favor and please read this page. The information could prevent you from hearing from somebody else's lawyers, or worse yet, from really obnoxious people, like prosecutors.

Here's the scoop:

The University runs this site so that people like you can use it for information about the University, goings on, entertainment, education, communication, and cyber gratification. Go ahead and browse around all you like. You can even download stuff from the site but only for your noncommercial, personal use. If you do, though, don't fool around with the copyright, trademark, and other notices that might be on any stuff. They're there for good reason. And don't even think about distributing, changing, transmitting, reposting, or doing anything else with any of the information and material on the AU Website, including the text, images, audio, and video clips, for public or commercial purposes unless you've received written permission. And, quite frankly, it's not likely we will give it to you. If you visit the AU Website, you're also legally obligated to (read: stuck with) the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Alfred, New York. You shouldn't access or browse the site if you have any problem with any of this because once you start, there's no turning back you are bound by (read: stuck with) the terms and conditions. So here are the rules for using the AU Web:

1. Just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless you're told it's not. So, unless we say you can, you can't use the information or other material on this page or anywhere else on the AU Website without the University's written permission. And like we said before, it's not likely we'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal. So it's better you don't even ask.

2. While we try to include accurate information and other material on the AU Website, the University does not promise you it's accurate. In fact, neither it nor the AU Web Team can promise you anything except that we think it's material you might like or find useful. So if you use anything on the site, you're using it at your own risk. We'd be glad to talk to you if you think there's something inaccurate or other problem with information on the AU Website, but please note: we can't assume any liability or responsibility for errors or omissions on the AU Website.

3. We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver any material on the AU Website are not liable for anything bad that might happen to you when you use it. In particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes "direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access to, or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY LINK, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND NONINFRINGEMENT. Please note some places may not allow the exclusion of implied warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the exclusion of implied warranties."

Ugh! What a mouthful from the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we couldn't figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept. But here's the bottom line: We're not responsible if you're browsing around and the AU Website damages you or your computer or infects it with a virus or other bad code. We sure hope that doesn't happen, but we aren't responsible if it does.

4. If you don't want the world to know something, don't post it on the AU Website in any bulletin board or anyplace else. That's because anything you disclose belongs to the University if it wants. That's right. It's ours. And the University can do anything it wants with the information and other material you post that's accessible on the AU Website. The University can reproduce it, delete it, disclose it, transmit it, publish it, broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can even send it to your mother. Not only that, we can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any way we want to, including developing, manufacturing and marketing products, improving the AU Website, or other finding other uses for the information you post.

5. Pictures of people or places shown on the AU Website on Web pages provided directly by the University are not your property. Neither you nor any of your friends can use them unless the University expressly says you can on the AU Website. Guess what? It's not likely that the University will say yes. So be careful. Unauthorized use may violate all sorts of laws. Be smart; keep all downloaded information and other material to yourself.

6. There are also a lot of trademarks, logos and service marks on the AU Website, including ones such as the Alfred University Saxons and the King Alfred statue that the University owns. You do not have any kind of license or right to use them. If you interfere with the University's ownership or use of its marks, the lawyers will probably go ballistic. That means you're likely to be sued or a prosecutor may come after you for improperly using someone else's property.

7. You'll probably notice we've linked the AU Website to other sites. That only means we're trying to be helpful. It doesn't mean we've looked at all those sites, much less checked them out periodically to see what's going on. So don't blame us if some site you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead and link, but remember, you're doing it at your risk.

8. That brings us to what you do on the AU Website. While the University or the AU Web Team may occasionally review information and other material posted or linked to the AU Website, neither the University nor the Team takes any responsibility and they assume no liability for the content of those locations or for any mistakes, defamation, libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography or profanity you might encounter when you visit such places on the AU Website. And please don't post or transmit any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene, lewd, lascivious, filthy, indecent, scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, harassing, mean or profane material or any material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that matter violate any law anywhere, anytime. When you boil it all down, the rule isn't that tough. Just think about what you're posting and consider that what you might not find offensive could be very disturbing to someone else. So be considerate and treat people as if they're all guests at a party. Just the way you'd like to be treated. We don't think that's too much to ask. And while the University respects privacy and academic freedom, the University and the Team have no choice but to fully cooperate with any University or law enforcement authorities or any court that asks who might have posted unauthorized or unwelcome information or other material on the AU Website.

9. The University and the Team may change this page and anything else on the AU Website at any time; we don't even need a reason. If we change the page or any of these rules, then you're bound by (read: stuck with) those changes too, whenever you visit AU Website. Any new rule or change will be posted, and it'll be effective immediately unless the posting says otherwise.

One last note from the AU Webteam: If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, we don't intend to be. You should have seen what the lawyers gave us in the first place. We had to remind them that human torture and sacrifice had been outlawed in the United States for some time. We couldn't tell if they looked disappointed.